Shy

There are some elements of being shy that are brought up less often than others. Partly because shyness is an umbrella under which a few similar tendencies are stored. Is someone reluctant to talk, mistrustful of themselves or others, depressed or merely self-sufficient? It's more complex than we think. In fact, it's more complex than I have just suggested. I will restrain myself mostly to one element of some subset of these tendencies.

What do you do when you very much want to be in a relationship, but feel diminished by past betrayals of trust? You may see a new interesting person, and feel your eyes widen, your breath deepen and your brain quicken. The sensation of an explorer about to step off the ship into a new world, where adventure waits and routine dissipates. This is often not a mere reaction to the person's physical attributes, but also the way in which they inhabit their body, their voice and the light of intelligence in their eyes. That light is not always indicative of some massive brain, but can be a breadth of experience or an openness to new experience.

When you are shy; you tend to remember the stilted conversations, the disappointments and the much more common experience of never starting that conversation. Sometimes blurting is an option, especially if you learn how to do it without calamity. In the best outcome, the blurt gives way to the more relaxed types of speech. I should mention that the frontiers described here are not always romantic ones, though they may be the most difficult.

And what do you talk about, especially if both people are shy? Too often it's a review of past relationships or insecurities, that while ok, doesn't really lead anywhere, or offer a diving board to the deep end of the pool. At other times, someone sensitive or observant enough to be intrigued by the shy person shares their own thoughts up to a point, then stops. There are many dark rooms that are kept shut for a reason. If they open up to you, it may be harder to padlock Pandora's box again later. Then you become the uncomfortable reminder of what they have been avoiding.

Having been through that a few times, I am reluctant to experience it again. It's not entirely rational, but there it is. I will never be the kind of guy who goes only for an image, and hopefully never the sort that settles for a safe and predictable relationship lacking exploration. Still, I am drawn to whom I am drawn. The somehow beautiful, sensitive and intelligent. Perhaps with eyes that, nice as they are, show fatigue, and across whose face emotions flicker uncontrolled at least part of the time.